OH THE WHO-MANITY

I definitely don’t hate Christmas. I’m not a huge fan, but I don’t hate it. Christmas is a wonderful celebration for families and children. Christmas just reminds me that we’re alone and childless. Yes, I know that we choose to live so far away from our family - but being where we are is a sacrifice we’ve made to have the brightest future for our wee family. But it still sucks. We are so blessed to have beautiful nephews I love shopping for and who always LOVE everything we give them (I would strive to be “the favourite” Aunty if my co-Aunty wasn’t so freaking amazing). We are also endlessly spoilt by our families and my parents make sure “Santa” visits us (even at 26 & 30 years of age) It’s just the older I get, the sadder I get. I secretly love the beautiful decorations and Christmas themed everything (not music. Hate the music) I just feel so defeated by it all. This Christmas we should be celebrating and looking forward to the safe arrival of our son - a perfect little embryo with a perfect little heart that wanted so bad to live but couldn’t. Instead, we’re focusing on March when we find out once and for all what’s actually wrong with my uterus and fingers bloody crossed they fix it. 2017 was a big year, nothing could have ever prepared us for what we would endure. We gained a lot - we became qualified scuba divers, we purchased a beautiful block of land in NZ to build our dream family home and we meet some pretty incredible people but we also lost a shit load. We lost two precious wee souls and struggled through each and every day. I’ve cried more this year than I ever have before. 2018 better be fucking amazing!