YOU WERE RIGHT

My husband said this to me on the weekend. It wasn’t a glorious; you were right, I should put the toilet seat down or you were right, I hang the washing out wrong. It was the one thing I never wanted to be right about. You were right about the miscarriages From the moment we found out about my “abnormality” I knew carrying a baby was going to be hard. It was statistically likely I would suffer several miscarriages and no real answer to whether I would ever be able to have a baby. Nath, always the optimist, told me I was being silly and that everything would be fine. I don’t know whether he was trying to convince me, himself or he just had no idea what was really wrong. Unfortunately, he gets it now. He shares my frustration of not knowing when or if we’ll finally be parents. He shares the frustration of not knowing when I’ll have surgery and he shares the frustration and dread not knowing what they’ll find and if they can fix it. I’ve given him the option to leave if he wants, he just laughed at me and held me while I cried. I can’t help but feel overwhelmingly guilty that he’s not a dad yet - instead, we’ve got four early miscarriages resulting in some foetal tissue in a Perth laboratory. We’re in it together, but my body is letting the team down. I’m just lucky the other half of my team is the fucking best husband I could have ever dreamt of having.