NOT A “REAL” ONE

When I first started writing this blog, it was purely a way to express how I was feeling without having to talk to someone. It has never been about wanting attention or sympathy, I’ve got enough of that already from myself. It has slowly become a way to connect with other people battling infertility. In a time where you feel so goddamn alone, knowing someone else is feeling the same as you, although it fucking sucks, is a huge help. Infertility (in my case recurrent miscarriage) is like a huge secret no one talks about. Even my own family aren’t overly comfortable with the fact my struggle is so public. I have learnt so much about the hundreds of incredibly strong and resilient woman who fill my world that have suffered in one way or another. Another thing I’ve learnt, is what not to say... I have a girlfriend who is also going through her own infertility journey and we occasionally swap notes on the awesomely insensitive things people say, here are some of my favourites; Do you have kids? No Omg you are so lucky! You’re young, you’ve got plenty of time! At least you know you can get pregnant! It just wasn’t the right timing I understand how you feel [a male counsellor that has ovaries?] At least it wasn’t a real baby yet (okay I held that tiny embryo in my fucking hand thank you very much and it looked EXACTLY like a baby) Along with the above, things I’ve learnt you should never do are; - Ask a newly married couple when they’re going to have kids - Ask any childless couple when they’re going to have kids - Ask a couple with one child when they’re going to have another kid - Ask a couple with children of one particular gender if they’re going to keep trying till they get the other gender You get the idea yeah?! To all the friends and people we love who are pregnant; although insanely jealous - we are 100% over the moon absolutely thrilled and excited for you. We do not resent you or your child in any way shape or form. Every single child is a miracle and a blessing. Just please don’t complain about it. Pregnancy mostly sucks, I know, I’ve had horrendous morning sickness, boobs so sore I felt like my nipples were going to fall off and hormones that knocked me for six - and that was all just first trimester. Enjoy every glorious, painful, tiring and rewarding moment. Because at the end of it, YOU are going to have an amazingly special little human. Embrace every thing.