DUBITO, ERGO COGITO, ERGO SUM

It’s funny how a seemingly innocent book choice can become a turning point in your journey to health.

I used to read all the time when I was younger - I took great pride in how I could finish one in a few hours, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire took me 4 hours.

I haven’t read for a long time, nothing has interested me, and I have a cute wee pile of unfinished books on the bookshelf.

I was in Perth to see the specialist (more on that later) and was in Kmart so decided to grab a book - purely cos I couldn’t find a colouring book I hadn’t already done and I had already watched the new Riverdale.

Turtles All The Way Down - John Green.

I felt like I was reading about myself. It perfectly captures the complete essence of anxiety and the way I process thoughts without defining an “illness”

I’m not scared of microbes overtaking my conscious and developing C.diff but I have similar fixations and irrational internal processes. My brain grabs hold of one idea or thought and spirals out of control from there.

She didn’t end up cured, or fixed. It wasn’t some fairytale ending. She continued to live her life with the acceptance of her “crazy”.

I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am.