FOURTH TIME UNLUCKY

Do you ever have daymares? Are they a thing?! Like a nightmare crossed with a daydream - with an image so vivid it feels real? I have them a lot. Most recently, I’ve been experiencing them almost once a day. Constant, clear as day flash backs to my most recent miscarriage. It feels like it’s happening all over again. It started as soon as I got another positive. It was hard to be excited, I was just filled with fear and all I did was cry. At 6 weeks I started bleeding and of course I though I was about to lose the baby again. A scan at 7 weeks confirmed all was well, it was just a clot, and I saw my beautiful baby’s heartbeat. The last 4 weeks have been a whirlwind. All the wonderful pregnancy symptoms again - nausea, sore boobs and insane hormones. Today was supposed to be my 26th birthday and marked 11 weeks, we were about to start telling everyone soon.

I was certain it was a boy and we had nicknamed him “Baby”.

Instead, his heart stopped beating. We drove overnight to Hedland and this morning, they removed the remnants of our baby. And now I’m the one in four, for the fourth time.