15 BLOOD SAMPLES

Since the loss of what we had thought would be our rainbow baby, life has been a whirlwind of emotions.

I unfortunately received the phone call from my doctor that the baby was dead when I was at work. I remember feeling like everything had just stopped and I had to remind myself to breathe. I turned to my manager and just burst into tears. I had no words and I literally spent the next hour staring into space. I cannot ever thank my colleagues enough for the tremendous support they all offered. Although for most of them they were still unaware of the pregnancy - even though I had quit drinking red bull which should be obvious - it all became pretty clear quite quickly. The next day I did the only thing I knew how and I got up and went to work. Thankfully work had booked me with appointments all day so I didn't have a chance to get lost in my thoughts. After a busy day I went to the toilet and there it was. My baby had come out. No pain, no blood just my beautiful little baby.

Almost a week later, after the familiar pain and blood of a miscarriage, it was over. Another couple of weeks later and an ultrasound showed no signs of the trauma we had been through.

It was as if a part of me knew or had been expecting it as I hadn't cancelled our appointment with the specialist. Living in such a remote place makes everything difficult so we had to fly to Perth to see Professor Hart but it was worth it. He was sympathetic, reassuring and ordered every test under the sun to find a solution for our recurrent miscarriage. We're due for the test results in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping there's some explanation and there's a way to fix it because I don't know how to go through it all again.