I AM THE 1 IN 4

Pregnancy is a miracle. The creation of a life is such a delicate and precise task that requires every little aspect during conception to be perfect.

Every month we went through the same cycle. Period. Ovulation. Two Week Wait. Negative. Period. Ovulation. TWW. Negative. Again and again. It got harder with every month.

Fast forward to our sixth month of trying and due to my numerous gynaecological issues we started investigations. My cycle was regular, my uteruses (Uteri?) were healthy and as normal as they could be and I had been free from Endometriosis for almost 5 years.

I had an AMH test done which measures the level of Anti Mullerian Hormone in your blood which is used to indicate quality and quantity of your ovaries remaining egg reserve. The average good range for a woman of childbearing age is 14-30. At the ripe old age of 25 mine was 6.2 which wasn't a good sign but still not the end of the world.

I then went on to have an AFC done, Antral Follicle Count. Antral Follicles are like the casings that hold on to your eggs and help them grow to maturity ready for ovulation. An AFC count is a way to count how many Follicles you are producing with each cycle and supports the findings of the AMH test to give a better understanding of egg quality and quantity. Again, my AFC was low which supported the conclusion that help was going to be needed.

IVF or most likely IVM (in vitro maturation) were officially on the table and an appointment was scheduled for hubby and I to see an amazing medical director of a large fertility specialist company in June. Rather than stressing every month, I just looked toward the knowledge that soon we were going to be on the path to making our own little Ginger.

Early May, my period was due, and in usual Lucy's body fashion, it was two days late. Now normally this would get me excited but throughout our entire TTC time my period always messed me about. I decided to pee on a stick anyway and holy fuck. There it was. The most incredible thing I have ever laid my eyes on. A bright pink solid as anything plus sign. I couldn't believe it, I was actually pregnant!!

A visit to the doctor confirmed I was 4 weeks pregnant and within days I had been hit by all the wonderful pregnancy hormones and was permanently exhausted, nauseas and my boobs were swollen and incredibly sore. But none of it mattered, because I was finally going to have a baby! We had done it, on our on. We made a baby.

At about 5 and a half weeks I started getting some pelvic pain which I found out is pretty normal.

A uterus is about to do some amazing stuff and my body was going through mammoth changes to nurture this little blob. As I was high risk due to my teeny tiny uterus(s) we arranged for a scan at what would have been 6w3d. Unfortunately the pregnancy sack looked a little smaller than anticipated but my doctor reassured me I probably just ovulated a bit later - which based on the fact that for that particular cycle I had just guessed when I ovulated, it is highly likely - but we decided to test my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels to make sure they were increasing.

The first test they were 1042 which corresponded with baby being a week younger than we thought but all was fine so I repeated the test 2 days later. I woke up that morning with a few spots of dark brown blood. Again my doctor felt it wasn't anything to worry about and it is quite normal. And then I rung him for my blood test results.

My GP was fantastic. He had done so much for Nath and I and is the kindest, caring and most supportive doctor I have ever had. He is always so positive and reassuring! But when he was silent on the phone I knew it wasn't good news. At 7 weeks to the day, I was told that our baby was gone.

The last few months have been more than difficult. I have been in a semi-permanent zombie state and have felt so many overwhelming emotions.

My baby hadn't taken its first breaths in the world, it hadn't looked me in the eyes for the first time and he or she never got to take their first steps, but my baby was still my child. I loved that tiny little human more than anything in this world.

I held my perfectly formed son or daughter in the palm of my hand and saw it's beautiful eyes and little buds that would become little arms and legs.

We may never know why we lost our precious child but we will never forget him or her and neither should the world. One in four pregnancies results in loss and through this experience I have spoken to so many woman who have had loss and continue to suffer in silence.

People kept saying "at least you know you can get pregnant", but it wasn't just a pregnancy, my baby died.